Help! A co-worker is hitting on me. [Archive] - Career Advice and Job Search Tips

kailee

07-01-2005, 01:25 PM

:eek:

A co-worker of mine, (from the same department, but not someone I report to), sent me an email asking me, if we didn't work together, would I date him? I'm not interested in dating him, but I have to work with him on a number of projects, so I'm worried about hurting his feelings and harming our work relationship. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to respond to him?

SimplyDave

07-01-2005, 03:58 PM

truth hurts, but stalking hurts more... ;)

i'd be open & honest about how you feel, and emphasize that you'd still like to have a good working relationship.

simplydamon

07-01-2005, 04:25 PM

I would personally base my decision based on their level of attractiveness... :D

Just kidding...

George

07-01-2005, 04:50 PM

Tell him the answer will be no even if he was at a different company.

kailee

07-01-2005, 05:36 PM

What about saying I don't date co-workers? Then maybe he won't take it personally?? It's a small department, I don't want things to be awkward.

George

07-01-2005, 07:52 PM

What if he quits his job and than ask you out. What would you have to say? You can always say your sorta seeing someone else.

kailee

07-05-2005, 08:21 AM

If he quits his job, I can tell him I'm not interested without worrying about it hurting our working relationship, yes?

kailee

07-08-2005, 01:54 PM

Parklane64

07-08-2005, 04:42 PM

Tel him you'e studying the Bible to see if you should make the leap and join the convent. ;)

ntbgirl

07-08-2005, 06:42 PM

Kailee,
It is simple. Tell the man you have a boyfriend!

Ive used the "i have a boyfriend.. and i like to keep my private live private but you seem to think id be interested, so i wanted you to know i wont be."

Or the "you hang around my cube anymore and i will call your mother"

LOL

kailee

07-11-2005, 01:15 PM

Thanks NTBgirl,

I'll try it. I'll tell him I'm married if I have to!

Treasurecam

07-11-2005, 01:51 PM

Seriously - I dated a boss (not mine) because we both love to bass fish - he looked like Michael Douglas :)
But it didn't work out and it hurt both our jobs.

I would use the boy friend idea too.

Hi Damon! We miss you on the old forum! You were always the best & we weren't really co workers so dating is a possibility - right? (grins) Congrats on the new job! :D
I still wear the old shirt :)

simplydamon

07-11-2005, 03:47 PM

Of course dating is a possibility. My girlfriend, however, might have something to say about it :D

George

07-11-2005, 05:30 PM

I see a cat fight in the future :D

kailee

07-12-2005, 12:26 PM

Okay, so I told my coworker that I've started dating someone and now he's asking all these questions about how I met the guy, his name, what he does, etc. etc. I'm really not a very good liar, this is getting very awkward. :confused:

Anarinda

07-14-2005, 12:55 AM

... is that it will be easy to stage a dramatic and painful breakup, LOL. Maybe he was someone you'd known for a while, and the realtionship suddenly got very serious....and then...oh my goodness...you had a terrible disagreement and broke it off forever. And now, you are so shellshocked that you couldn't possibly think of dating anyone (like a cubicle hugger) for a very long time....

kailee

07-14-2005, 09:23 AM

Thanks, Anarinda. That's too funny. Unfortunately, my job isn't and I don't think I'll be any good at managing the charade. So today when he started being nosy, I told him that I don't like talking about my personal life at work. That shut him up. :p

raincoaster

07-27-2005, 06:15 PM

That's the best way. Telling a Cling-on that you have a boyfriend just switches them into "why him not me" or "biding time" mode. I'm in a situation something like this myself. You don't want to walk over and say, "by the way, I'll never be interested in you," but it's hard to draw the line. I'm just always "busy" but this isn't working very well. I applaud your courage. Given my temper, if I don't settle this thing fairly quickly I'm going to be saying something a little too pointed, like "sure I like men, I just don't like YOU" or something equally diplomatic.

Sith-in-Asia

08-29-2005, 08:17 PM

So I told my co-worker that I'm not saying yes or no, but I just never date co-workers...

I think he took it as a "yes, I'd date you if we weren't working together" because now he's hanging around my cube a lot asking what I'm doing over the weekend and all sorts of personal questions. I should've just rejected him flat out. Bah. I think I need a new job...

Well, since this is my first post, I'll go gentle on this one. . . .

Stop being a politically Correct type person, and just tell the dude NO. It's a direct simple thing to say. Being a direct guy myself, I'D appreciate a honest answer from a lady if I were asking her for a date.

kailee

08-31-2005, 05:52 PM

Yup, this is the lesson that I learned from this whole ordeal. I should have just said no from the start. Well, maybe someone else will hit on me and I can practice my newfound skills. :)

Bejita463

08-31-2005, 06:46 PM

I have to agree that it is far more irritating to get the run around when you are trying to feel out whether you have a chance or not than to simply be told that you do not.

It would sure save a lot of time for both parties involved.

hyena8

09-01-2005, 03:58 PM

Report him to his manager.

hyena8

09-01-2005, 04:00 PM

Damon:

Too bad you have a girlfriend cause I am single and you and I don't work together!!

:D

simplydamon

09-01-2005, 04:05 PM

"Too bad you have a girlfriend cause I am single and you and I don't work together!!"

Sorry someone finally convinced me not to be a bachelor forever:) I was actually largely single for just about 7 years...y'all missed your chances:)

hyena8

09-01-2005, 04:48 PM

simplydamon

09-02-2005, 12:59 AM

"All the good ones are either gay or married."

I've been accused of being gay (mostly because my best friend was).

Marriage...can't say that I've been too good at that:)

Best friend (http://markbingham.org/)

Bejita463

10-04-2005, 04:38 AM

I am extremely bow-legged and walk with a grace most males do not possess, so the way I walk apparently looks decidedly gay because I am one of those people that 90% of the people who meet me think I am. It's fairly comical at times.

Florida Lizard Queen

10-04-2005, 06:13 AM

I would just tell your co-worker that you have a job to do and that you are not interested in dating anyone and you want to focus on your career. If he still persists, gently and FIRMYLY tell him to stop right away. Be sure you document everything said between the two of you whether it's business related or personal and keep the documentation hidden away where only you know where it is. I smell harrassment here . . . . and you need to stay on top of this before it gets too much more out of control.

buffygirl

10-04-2005, 09:05 AM

but you said he asked you if you didn't work together would you date him. so that pretty much makes the answer "i don't date co-workers" pointless....or did he mean work together on projects and not work together at the same company.

although i agree with the other answers of 'be honest', it is very hard to hurt someone's feelings. easy to give that advice than it is to take it.

dixiechick

10-04-2005, 11:26 AM

I agree with Florida....keep track of the times he hits on you then go to your manager, his manager and HR. Some people won't learn a lesson until it gets painful.

Of course, you can always use my favorite. Tell him you're prejudiced....you only date humans!

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I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person