Have you dated in the workplace?

[simplyforum]

I have, like many other people, dated people from within the company. These situations, more often than not, did not turn out well. I was just wondering if others had the same experience?

[QuestorTheElf]

It's almost inevitable that the rate of dating in the workplace will only increase.

As it is, many people are spending far more time at work than anywhere else. So instead of going to the usual places and community activities where one could find a partner, the most likely source now is the office.

I know some people who became dates through work. Then once their relationship became more serious, one of them purposely decided to switch employers. They wanted to avoid the touchy situation when one date becomes their direct report, e.g., like that company president who lost his position recently because he was dating a junior executive. (Some companies do indeed value the image they project, and don't want to take any chances.)

[simplydamon]

Hi QuestorTheElf,

I agree 100%. The nature of any relationship, friendship or other, is often defined my proximity and shared experience(s). If you spend more than half of your day with a person (or group of people), it becomes much easier for the relationship potential to develop.

As for me, whenever I say that I am not going to do that again...well...it happens again.

[Shannon_PayLoadz]

It seems that part of the whole work experience is the potential for a fling with the cute assistant, or having your way with the hot, "experienced" vp of marketing. The trouble is just not worth it. Though, I do know a very happy lawyer couple that made it work. Then again, I also know of a female fortune 500 CTO that had her husband fired from the company for sexually harassing his assistant. So, I guess that one didn't work out...

[simplydamon]

Hi Shannon_Payloadz,

Most HR departments heavily frown upon office relationships. It isn't something that it appears they can stop, however. I am not sure if they can't stop it because of the link between being a person w/individual rights vs. an employee that has to follow company guidelines (if that makes sense).

Dating is generally viewed by individuals as a personal issue, not a business issue...

A key point is that you NEVER want to date a subordinate. It is just a lawsuit just waiting to happen (if things go sour)...

[sandypurins]

I met my hubby in the workplace. We were co-workers who both worked for the same project leader as computer programmers, so... the subordinate situation was not a factor.

It's now 20+ years later and we are still happily married... :)

Sandy

[simplydamon]

Hi sandypurins,


Good to hear a good story. My personal experiences, however, have not been so good. I can be quite the difficult boyfriend;) I think the success of the relationship might have to do with the proximity of the work you do? In other words, it might be more difficult if you were sitting right next to the same person.

[sandypurins]

Hubby and I didn't sit next to each other... our cubicles were in the same group but in separate isles. Quite a few members of that team would shoot rubber bands at the other team members, ie. shoot the rubber bands into the ceiling and have them bounce off the ceiling and onto the other person's desk, head or who knows where else...

The coordinated attacks by multiple people on one person had the best effect... ;)

Sandy

[simplydamon]

Hi sandypurins,

I had the unfortunate distinction of sitting right next to a woman I dated AND living with her. I think I probably got about 3-4 minutes of alone time per day. I think that is too much time to be around someone w/out a break :D

If possible, the person you date should work in a different building...or county ;)

[sandypurins]

Damon, You're so very right about the "alone time" and everyone needs that alone time. I need it to this very day, but... I must admit that hubby and I had some major jealousy issues that involved other co-workers way back when we first met...

We were both in our early twenties and yes... we were living together, but... we were also rather "playful", which caused those jealousy issues... ;)

It made for an interesting workplace... :)

The company we worked for, TransAmerica (yes... that pyramid building in San Francisco), was actually quite "progressive" about the situation. TransAmerica had a genuine appreciation of their employees and they handsomely rewarded the employees who would excel, even if those employees were stretching some rules.

TransAmerica implemented flexible hours and a very liberal dress code, which was much appreciated by me. TransAmerica was more concerned with an employees total contribution rather than getting involved with the rather petty and silly, in my opinion, issues such as work hours or dress code.

I was truly devoted to TransAmerica when I worked for them and they recognized my devotion and rewarded me for my willingness to do whatever was required to complete a project...

my "odd" work hours, my not conforming to the dress code and the dating of a fellow employee were basically ignored by them... :)

Sandy

[simplydamon]

Hi sandypurins,


"The company we worked for, TransAmerica (yes... that pyramid building in San Francisco), was actually quite "progressive" about the situation. TransAmerica had a genuine appreciation of their employees and they handsomely rewarded the employees who would excel, even if those employees were stretching some rules."

A lot of employers seem to take a "hands off" approach to employees that perform. While it could just be my personal experience, it does appear that talented employees are given a little more leeway than those that may not be as productive.

The one thing I really appreciate about working in California, notably in startups, is that dress codes (and work hours) are fairly liberal. I find that California is very progressive in many aspects of how employees can do their work. While I was in Asia, for example, I was shocked to see so many business people dressed in suits...while the weather outside was in the high 90's & close to 100% humidity! Even the hotel staff at many places wore nylons when their job was outside...I can't imagine that being too comfortable in that kind of weather.

I guess the tricky thing is that work & personal time tend to have some level of overlap in today's world?

[lifesab-andthenyoudie]

Dating in the workplace has never worked out for me, either. I've only done it once or twice and that was enough.

Interestingly though, I met my husband sort of through work. He was interviewing for a job with my company (I would have been one of his dotted line supervisors). I was the sole dissenting opinion on whether or not we should hire him. I didn't feel he was qualified for the job even though he interiewed well and seemed like a heck of a nice guy.

Well, HR delivered the bad news. A few days later, he called to ask me if I'd meet him for coffee to discuss how he could have had a better interview (for future reference) and thus, our first date was born.

He admits now the request for advice was bogus. He was bummed about losing out on the job but had another offer waiting in the wings. He just used it as an excuse to ask me out. And I fell for it!

[aoco]

Wow lifesab-,

I'll have to remember that one your husband used - that is good!

I have dated in the workplace and I hate it. When I am at work, I am in "work" mode. I don't want to be bothered by "home", period. No phone calls from family, friends, nothing. Dating pushes that rule right out of the door and it is usually the thing that trips me out. I just can't be at home at work and dealing with things that don't have to be dealt with at work.

And if there were a way to get rid of IM, I would do it.

[lifesab-andthenyoudie]

And if there were a way to get rid of IM, I would do it.

It's very easy. Just don't turn it on! When it first became widely available, it was a novelty for me and I had AIM and MSN Messenger. But I quickly got aggravated by annoying pop up messags from family and friends. (We never used it at work, thank goodness). I'd rather rely on email and read and reply when it's convenient for me.

I despise the telephone for the same reason. I rarely ever answer our home line. I only answer the business line.

[hyena8]

Wow lifesab-,

When I am at work, I am in "work" mode. I don't want to be bothered by "home", period. No phone calls from family, friends, nothing. Dating pushes that rule right out of the door and it is usually the thing that trips me out. I just can't be at home at work and dealing with things that don't have to be dealt with at work.

I completely agree. When at work, don't bother me except for life or death emergencies (i.e. bleeding from the jugular or heart attack). When I put on my work 'hat', I am an employee and need to think like an employee. When at home, then I can just be myself.

Besides the fact at my job they very much frown on personal phone calls as it intefers with everyones work (i.e. pages over the intercom are very annoying and talking on the phone is distracting other employees).